Getting Closer...

Lots has happened since my last post.... in 2011! To catch y'all up (y'all... such an efficient word!), here are the bullet points:

• We have been a licensed Safe Family for about a year now and have received only a handful of requests... none of which worked out, unfortunately... but still open to being a Safe Family to any children younger than Ethan's age (our 1 requirement).
• In January of 2012 we started looking into Foster Adoptions as Mark felt strongly about adopting   domestically.
• In February, Allie got pregnant so we paused looking into adoption
• In April, Allie miscarried... so we started looking into adopting again!
• In the summer, we started taking classes and jumping through hoops to be a licensed foster family so that we can adopt :)

Now, it's October... we have finished all but 1 class to be made up next month... we've checked all the boxes except our TB Test, CPR Class (this weekend), and home study (next Wednesday).

We joined a small group that meets once a month at our church that is for families who have adopted, are adopting, or are foster parents. It's so nice to connect with others who are on similar journeys with similar values and beliefs. Having an eternal perspective makes everything different!

What I wanted to share today is how God is working in us and through us so far.

This requires some background info:

Mark is one of 5 (all biological siblings) and I am one of 2. 

My brother was adopted after years of my parent's trying to conceive. After 5 years or so, they adopted Ryan (at birth) from Hawaii. After bringing Ryan home, my parents found out they were pregnant. We are 9 months apart. 

Ryan and I were always super close. Inseparable, actually. But things haven't always been super smooth in our family...

This is why I've always said that if Mark and I could conceive, we wouldn't adopt.

Lived there. Done that... not interested. 

Love my brother. Love that people adopt... I just wouldn't be one of them.

When we found out we were pregnant with Ethan, we were elated! And I was relieved that we could rule out the "option" of adoption.

Well.... God is impressive. Really, He is. After Ethan was 1 year (and a few months), He put a seed (don't know how else to describe it!) in both Mark and My hearts to adopt at the same time. 

I remember the conversation very well... we were in the car on a drive home and the topic came up (this was after my mission trip to Ethiopia where there were tons of orphans...). It ended with me asking him, "What do you think about adopting?" knowing we were both against it and with absolutely no ulterior motive in my questioning. Come to think of it now, I wonder why I even asked... (feeling God winking at me at this very moment!)

 I really was just curious where he stood on the topic now. To my surprise, he said, "I dono... what do you think?" This totally took me by surprise because had he asked me a second earlier, I think I would have said, "Not for me. Not for us."... but something in his tone softened my heart. 

I said something like this, "I dono... but I do know this: It hurts my heart to think of a child without a family. I have a scene that sticks in my head sometimes of the 3 of us - at a playground or a restaurant... anywhere - and we are doting on each other... especially over Ethan... and there is a kid sitting across the room, watching us, who longs for that kind of love and affection. To fit in, be accepted, and loved. Everyone deserves a family like that. God loves each of us like that..." 

Mark just nodded his head in agreement. Then I added, "... what pains me the most is to think... what if that child, that on-looker, was Ethan? I mean, what if Ethan wasn't born to us, what if he was born into different circumstances? That kills me." Mark totally agreed.

And just like that, a seed was planted. Not a seed of pity or guilt but a seed of love, empathy and a hope for orphans in a whole new way... involving us. 

This seed is the beginning of our story in the journey of adoption. 

One that ends with redemption through the love of Christ (spoiler alert!)

Because the bottom line is this: God loves us all the same. Our world is broken and it is a good reflection of our broken nature. But that doesn't change His love for us. He loves us all the same and calls us beloved...

I believe God has given Mark and I that "likeness in Him". To love other kids like our own... even if they don't share the same genes that we do! 

So that's the background to how we got here.

(If you've made it this far... I'll get to the point now...)

I have been absolutely blown away by Mark. His love is so mature in so many ways... and this is one of them. He is constant and a true rock in this area... 100% sure this is our calling (I can't help but fall in love with a man like that over and over!)

Me on the other hand... I have moments of wavering...

There are times when I have had second thoughts, mainly because I flash back to difficulties and struggles my family had growing up facing issues related to adoption. I truly believe those moments need to be taken seriously and talked about. I am in no hurry to adopt, but instead am prayerfully open to God's will... not my own. And let's remember - my will was never to adopt! 

This is where it gets good.... if you've ever heard the phrase, "God moves mountains"... this is one of them for me (along with a laundry list of others...). That conversation in the car with Mark (when the seed was planted) was from my perspective, chipping away at the mountain of Adoption. Being open to it meant it was possible, but I had a long way to go... 

Well, what I saw as chipping, God took as a mustard seed. 

" Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." 

- Matthew 17:20

The mountain has moved. The seas have parted. God is saying, "Walk."

"Buuuuut it's me, God. Remember? I have reservations.... for good reason!"

"Walk."

"I'm not equipt. Send someone else... someone who is stronger in this area."

"I have given you everything and will continue to give you everything you need.
I have given you Mark. Walk with Mark."

"But... but..." and on and on go my excuses.

I really have felt like Moses in Exodus 3 at times. Even telling Mark...

"Are you sure?" "I'm scared"...

On a particular day of doubt, we were headed out to one of our Foster Care Classes. On the nights of our classes we would have only minutes to grab a bite to eat then head over to the meeting that ran from 6-9pm. We stopped at In & Out...

After we ordered, we grabbed drinks and waited at the table for our order number to be called.

We decided to pray before our food was in front of us because we were in a hurry.

During the prayer I asked God to "please, please be in the details of our adoption journey. If this is for sure the path You want us to walk down, please make it obvious. Your will, Lord, and not our own."

We said Amen, our order number was called, Mark retrieved our tray, and this is what I saw:

Seriously?

It's not exactly a staff that turns into a snake, but I took it all the same.

So here's where I'm at:

I'm going to walk.... with Mark... 

We'll keep praying and keep being open...

and we'll see what God does with it.

Because sometimes we're just called to be open to it.. sometimes we're called to dive in head first.

Either way, we are moving forward... walking in faith.

 ^"What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? ¹⁵ Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.¹⁶ If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds." - James 2:14-18

One of my all time favorite verses!

Gets my feet moving... how about you?