Like a Bandaid

... and today marked the end of our first placement. Sweet Christian James was with us for 17 days... and he left as quickly as he came (written on Friday, February 22nd).

We knew this could happen and we were open to him staying forever or going back if there was reunification... but we weren't prepared for how he would go.

I want to start off by saying that God has been present every step of the way in Christian's placement with us. Christian was not only safe and healthy here but he was also filled with joy and encouragement as well. When he was sad... we held him, comforted him, and put much needed boundaries in his life. When he was happy... we laughed with him, chased and tickled him, and just flat out loved on him.

I don't have any regrets about our time together and I'm thankful that God trusted us with him even if it was only for a few weeks. This boy came from a dark world and I know God used each one of us to shine some light into his life. I praise God for that!

We did love him like our own son and while we grieve in our loss, my heart bleeds for him. Our world is still the same... it's the 3 of us and life keeps going... but for Christian? We don't know.

Here is a quick re-telling of how it all happened:

I was running errands for Ethan's birthday party (the next day) when I got the phone call. The boys were with a sitter. The phone call went something like this:

Social Worker: "Allie, I'm so sorry we have to meet like this...." (we had never met before) ..."I am leaving right now to pick up Christian."

Allie: "Oh, okay. Is he leaving forever or...?"

SW: "Yes."

A: "Oh, okay... can you tell me why?"

SW: "I'll explain when we get there. I'll be at your house in 15-20 minutes."

I quickly called our sitter - who had taken the boys to a farm to visit the animals - and told her to bring the boys home as soon as possible.

I drove home, headed upstairs, and started packing all the clothes, shoes, toys, etc. we had bought for him. Christian came to our house with literally one pair of shoes, socks, one long sleeved shirt (with holes in it), and a pair of jeans. He left with a bag full of warm clothes, 3 pairs of shoes, and his own back pack.

When our sitter came home, both boys were fast asleep in the car. The social worker and social worker aid (who was present when we picked up C) drove up and we loaded the car. I asked if we could talk while Christian was sleeping... knowing once he woke we wouldn't get 2 words in...

The social worker and I sat in our living room and the conversation went something like this:

A: "So, tell me... what happened?"

SW: "I'm really sorry, but I can't tell you anything."

A: ".... what?"

SW: "I'm not allowed to share any details."

A: "I don't need to know details... can you tell me if he was reunified with his Mom or Dad? Another family member or another foster family?"

SW: "I'm sorry. But I can tell you he was not reunified with his biological Mom or Dad."

And that was it.

A few minutes later, they asked me if I wanted to transfer him... so I did. Christian is usually cranky when he wakes up, but this time he was calm. He nuzzled his head into the space between my neck and shoulder. When I put him into the car seat of the social worker's car, he was still pretty calm, until I started telling him, "Okay sweet boy. You are going to go with these nice ladies for a car ride to another home."

This is when he started to sob. Tears running down his face uncontrollably as he cried, "Nooo! Mommy!!!" I had to look away to stop myself from sobbing too. By the strength of the Holy Spirit, I stayed strong as I looked into his eyes and said, "I know sweet baby. We love you so much. We will be praying for you. You're going to go to a new house. We love you."

The social worker aid asked Christian, "Do you want some of these?" Holding out a clementine. "I remember you liked these..."

If you can remember, C was totally motivated by food... and would do anything for food.

But to that, he swatted the clementine out of her hand and continued to cry for me.

Then they drove off. And I wept.

I wept because of how he was treated.
I wept because he was being traumatized.
I wept because it wasn't right. Not that his leaving wasn't right (maybe it was, maybe it wasn't... we don't know!)... but the way they went about removing him was wrong. They seemed more concerned about a schedule or protocol than they did about the child. I felt like the only adult with a heart at the scene and I just question who they are "protecting" or fighting for here.

He left quicker than he came. And while I knew he could come and go... I never anticipated that he would be ripped so quickly and with no more than 15 minute's notice.

The whole process was that similar to a kidnapping. The only thing missing was a paper bag over C's head.

Here is where the prayer requests come in:

1) Pray that where ever C is, that he is safe, warm, healthy, and loved. Pray for the best possible placement for this sweet boy. He is far more precious than this world is treating him.

2) Pray that C has peace in his heart. What happened to him was another traumatic experience and he didn't understand what was going on (... and he wasn't alone! I didn't know what to tell him... I had no information!)

3) Pray for direction in our journey. We are very discouraged by the way everything ended. While we have no regrets about our role, we don't agree with what happened. And I feel even worse about being part of his traumatic exit. I'm sure he was thinking, "Why is she giving me away?"

My purpose is not to grumble or speak badly about the system... but unfortunately we are left with more questions than answers. And unfortunately, that just might be the cycle of the system.

One answer we know for sure is that for just under 3 weeks, this little boy was fully loved in a tangible, physical, and familial environment. God used us and in return, we know a bit more about God's heart as we share in His pain for this child. My heart couldn't break more for him.

We will continue to pray for Christian. A faith walk this truly is and has been! He has at least 3 prayer warriors in his life... and maybe that was the plan? To be in our lives long enough to love him and leave footprints in our heart and to serve as his family for a short season in his life when nobody else wanted him.

As for Christian - who was our main concern and focus in this blog, this mission, this journey - I hope and pray the very best for him. Clearly it wasn't the plan for him to stay... and I'm at peace with that.

I am, however, not at peace with the secrecy and unnecessary ripping, tearing and... scarring. We can't help the situation these kids come from, but we can help how we treat them once we have them.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11

Week 2 of Our Faith Walk

Valentine's Day Week marked Week 2 with Christian.

We are learning more and more about him first hand... but unfortunately, without any new information from CPS. C's social worker has been out with the flu all week... we're hoping for more news during Week 3.

Some things we're learning are:

1) He is extremely attached to me. Sometimes when I leave the room he cries, and once when I had Mark watch the kids for 20 minutes while I ran upstairs to work on Valentine's Day gifts,  Christian cried himself to sleep at the bottom of the stairs not allowing anyone to comfort him.

2) He loves being tickled, chased, and playing peek-a-boo. He has an impressive dinosaur "Roarrrr!" and loves singing "Zise-a-me! Zise-a-me!" which is his version of "A pirates life for me!" (kindly modeled by Ethan)

3) He is quick to pick up athletics... not sure how much exposure he's had to scooters and tricycles, but he picked up on them quickly and is quite natural at it.

4) He LOVES food and is motivated by it. I know this is diagnostic of several things... we're working to establish healthy eating habits.

5) He has many words but doesn't use them to describe his needs... also something we are working on. He gets very frustrated when his whining and pointing won't suffice. 

6) He loves wrestling with Daddy and Ethan. Mark says he can tell someone has taught him how to wrestle... must be a guy instinct?

7) Going to sleep is possibly the biggest struggle. He cries and says "No!" Sometimes flailing his body. 

Each night we rock him for a few minutes, then he asks to get into bed. This is where the protest begins... eventually we are able to rub his back and sing him to sleep. 

Every night that I've put him to bed, I sing him a number of songs but he falls asleep to the serenade of Amazing Grace... he must like that one best :)

8) He says, "Thank You" like a southern boy... emphasis on the /a/ ;)

9) He's not a fan of long car rides

10) He has only meet my parents and Mark's parents once yet points them out in the hallway photos as "Grandma" and "Papa"

***

I had lots of fun doing Valentines Crafts with the boys and making them a heart shaped pizza for dinner...

Here are their masterpieces

Riding in the pink car at Whole Foods.

This is a rare opportunity as there are only 2 double cars in the whole store.

So, naturally I followed a family to their car while they unpacked their groceries... tried my best to convince them that I wasn't creepy but absolutely desperate for that cart!

(They were very gracious)

Shameless. It's a new role I play :)

Our first day trip to the Sacramento Zoo!

It was loads of fun but a bit over stimulating for Christian.

Again, not knowledgeable about his exposure to groups/crowds of people... we could tell some parts of the trip were a bit much. 

There were moments of flailing... once to the extent that he bonked his head on the concrete floor. 

But all in all, it was a wonderful day for our entire family.

Lots of running, giggles, and meeting "wild animals" for the first time (a good guess).

Our sweet friends, the Jarvis Family, asked us to join them for the day.

They fully blessed us from a Venti-Iced Caramel Macchiato (much appreciated by yours truly!), driving us to the zoo, packing all the kids a lunch, and getting us in with their VIP family pass (skipped the large line!).

God has always been faithful in providing Mark and me with friends throughout our marriage who shine bright lights into our lives. Their presence in our lives reminds us that we are not in this journey alone. 

Thank you, Jesus :)

***

The boys at their Drive-in Movie :)

Ethan has grown up a lot in the past 2 weeks.

He says things like,

"Are you tired, sweet boy?"

"It's okay, buddy."

and my personal favorite is, "Child!" in reference to Christian as he runs away or does something he shouldn't. 

Out of the mouths of babes ;)

Although we take turns, I primarily have put Christian to bed while Mark puts Ethan to bed. 

(Ethan has decided to sleep in our bedroom on the floor lately)

Anyway, Mark has enjoyed reading several Bible stories to Ethan at bedtime... it's become their special time alone.

One day, Christian will be ready to sit through books and stories... but for now, Ethan is at the beginning of this fun stage :)

His Bible has replaced his stuffed animals in this picture

As for me, I'm diving straight into scripture and adoption books.

Thriving as an Adoptive Family is recommended by Focus on the Family. 

So far it's been super helpful! I'm open to recommendations too!! 

James (hence Christian's middle name) has been the primary book God has used in His calling me to adoption. I have a long ways to go, but I have memorized Chapter 1. 

On a particular day when I was thirsty for answers, I prayed that God would speak to my heart in reading James 1. There is a difference in reciting memorized paragraphs and reading scripture with a fresh pair of eyes and an open heart. 

I didn't have a burning bush moment, but absolutely a confirmation that what we are doing is right. 

It's what He asks of us... to love Christian as our own son despite the uncertainty of his future.

This is a faith walk if I've ever walked one. 

We have more questions than answers, but God did answer one question for me that day:

God loves this little boy... no more or less than our son, Ethan... so we will too.

If he is adoptable, then we will adopt him.

If he isn't, then we will have been blessed to be used to love on him during this season.

Either way you slice it, it's good.

And there again, is God... very present in this journey.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us life through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all He created."

(James 1:17-18).

Christian James

*In order to protect Christian's identity, we put smiley faces over his photos. I truly WISH you could see his sweet, sweet face! He smiled SO much when he was here*

***Update on 4/25/13... no more pictures can be displayed, even if his face was covered by smiley faces. Read Blog titled, "Calloused Hearts Cannot Read Pure Intentions" for reasons why.

Well, it happened! We got our first placement on Tuesday night, February 5, 2013.  My mom was visiting for the day when I got the phone call. The social worker asked if we would be interested in taking in a 2.5 year old boy who was abandoned by his father. I asked if he was adoptable since he was abandoned and she said they didn't know. So, I told her I'd call her right back. Called Mark at work... he didn't hesitate to say "yes"... and that was the beginning of blessing #2.

*Pause* Take note of the divine orchestration here. My mom "just so happened" to be visiting for the day so Mark and I could have a date night. Instead, God provided the best support for us to watch Ethan as we left to pick-up an "unwanted" child. God providing and saving lives... as usual!

Mark came home from work, the 4 of us said a prayer, then Mark and I left and quickly ran to Target to get the little guy a stuffed animal before heading over to meet him for the first time. We introduced ourselves (as Mark and Allie), signed the paperwork, and headed to the ER - standard procedure to visit the doctor before placement, but it was after hours (driving through McDonalds first for dinner... because what kid wouldn't like a Happy Meal? Also because no kid deserved a Happy Meal more than him!). It was there in the ER that he started calling us Mommy and Daddy. We hadn't been together more than an hour.

He had a bruise on his right ear. There is no way to verify how it got there, but it looked as though someone had pulled him by the ear. Other than that, he was clear and released from the hospital.

When we got home, Ethan was waiting to meet his new buddy. My mom did an excellent job of prepping Ethan... not knowing what to expect, she told him that he's probably scared and sad... and Ethan was very sweet in meeting him. But... Ethan is Ethan, and God used our little boy to instantly bring joy to the newest Super Sweet Hero in the house. How? Well, pictures speak volumes... so without further ado, here he is...

His name is Christian (alias for now... potentially his forever name!).

Please just look at that face! And he really is sweet as can be! 

Looking at his face and knowing he was abandoned reminds me of how broken our world is.
{Again, sorry you can't see his face!}

And then there were... twins!

Well, almost. 

7 months apart...

We "just so happened" to have another pair of Superman Jammies the next size up...

(Christian is 7 months younger but one clothing size and shoe size bigger!)

Here's a picture of them seeing their matching jammies in the mirror for the first time.

The super power of boys being boys = "smooth"/natural transition for everyone

So, the first night went better than I could have imagined. We had been praying for a foster child who would blend well with our family and God answered that prayer. I truly can't think of a better placement... and yes, he sleeps through the night every night. Praising God!

Catching a ride...

Daddy time!

 Both Grandmas and Grandpas came to meet Christian...

Here's a few snapshots with Grandpa Wager

Silly Boys

As smooth a transition as it's been, Ethan has had a hard time sharing everything of his with C. Going from only child to twins is a hard/forced lesson in sharing 24/7.

 It's also been hard for him to see Christian get all new clothes (the one thing they can't really share... yet!)... 

So... this is where the matching outfits come in. 

Having the same is just easier. 

Ethan has asked us, "Where are his Mommy and Daddy?"

To that we answered, "We are his Mommy and Daddy for now. We can share."

A playful banter between the two was this, "That's MY Mommy!"

"No, that's MY Mommy!"

"No... that's MY Mommy!"

We told them, "Boys, you say, 'That's OUR Mommy!"

That, and I've been practicing with the boys and having them repeat, "What's mine is yours" along with asking the question, "Who owns everything?"

To that, Ethan quickly answered, "Me."

"Nooo. God owns everything. And He shares everything with us so we can share with others."

Although, I gotta admit, I cracked a smile when he answered, "Me" as I'm sure he was answering honestly.

Now when the playful banter takes place, I hear the following...

C: "That's MY Daddy!"

E: "That's MY Daddy!"

*Both smiling and encouraged by the participation of the game*

C: "No! That's MY Daddy!"

E: "NO! That's MYY Daddy!"

C: "My Daddy!!!"

E: "No! You don't say 'That's MY Daddy'... you say 'That's OURRRR Daddy."

*Heart Smiles*

More Super Hero Fun:

Batman muscles

And C was Robot Boy

Crazy cucumbers found Daddy's shirts

As you can see, Christian fits in just beautifully! If I were to guess why God placed us with him, my guess would be because of Ethan. These two are buddies. They laugh, play, and quarrel like brothers. Ethan has been a healthy distraction for Christian and Christian is a God sent friend for Ethan.

If I could ask 2 things from you who are following this blog, they would be:

1) Please pray for us! Here are our requests:

• God's peace and perfect love to penetrate Christian's heart. (John 14:27)
• Trust and bonding between C and each member of our family.
• Wisdom and discernment in shepherding these 2 boys given the circumstances they were both thrown into. 
• For God's will in this placement. We don't know much information or the likelihood that C will stay with us forever.
• That Mark and I would fearlessly pour out our hearts and continue to love on this boy, treating him as our own even though we have no promises of permanency. (John 4:18)

2) Please don't praise us if you too celebrate with us in this placement. Praise God, for it is His doing. He is love.

We are broken vessels doing our best to love with His strength.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will." 

- Ephesians 1:3-5